Say a Prayer
by AmazingWriter123
Summary: "Say a prayer for the dead Moiraine Sedai, and move on." That was what he had told her. Iselle's scream. Diryk's face. She did not think they would ever go away... but maybe a prayer is all that is needed...


**Say a Prayer**

"_Say a prayer for the dead, Moiraine Sedai, and move on." _His words resounded in her head as she tossed and turned. _Iselle's scream, Diryk's face_. She could have saved them. She should have saved them. The guilt gnawed at her insides and she nearly gave into tears. But she would not cry. She could not cry. Not when Lan could feel her emotions. What if he would think her weak?

So she stayed awake all night. The next morning they were back in Chachin. Lan looked expectantly at her. "Where are we to go, Moiraine Sedai?" he asked.

"An inn," she replied absently, searching the crowd for a sister who might recognize her.

Lan nodded and pulled her arm to get her moving. She followed with only half her mind in the present. _Iselle's scream. Diryk's face. _She paid for the inn, and Lan introduced them as Lady Alys and Master Andra.

"One room, and a good meal brought to us," Lan instructed. "We will only be staying for tonight."

The man eyed them up and down but did not say anything. Moiraine was embarrassed that Lan had taken only one room, but she would let him have the bed. She knew she would not sleep tonight. _Iselle's scream. Diryk's face. _

XXX

Lan could feel the guilt that was consuming Moiraine in a tight knot at the back of his head. It was eating away at her, but that was none of his business. Quite honestly, he was not sure about where the lines were drawn with Aes Sedai.

He placed their packs in one corner and asked Moiraine. "Do you wish to go out into the city?"

"We should rest," she replied. "I have already seen the city as much as I would like. I will go check on Cat Dancer and Arrow."

He was going to protest, tell her that she should rest and he should check the horses. Despite his previous reluctance, he realized that he was very concerned about her wellbeing. She was too innocent, no, too _naïve _to realize what she was doing to herself.

Well, he would wait, and take it as it came.

XXX

Moiraine gathered her deep blue skirts and nearly ran into the stables. Slowing herself to a dignified walk, she checked Cat Dancer. The war horse was well cared for. Arrow was too, but she stayed in his stall, burying her face in the horse's mane and standing there. She only realized it was past sunset when a stable boy came and told her she should be returning to her rooms if she cared for a hot meal.

She walked up the stairs, colliding with a young boy. _Diryk's face. _A woman chased after him, shrieking at him to stop running. _Iselle's scream_. Shaking herself, she went into the room.

Lan sat on one of the chairs, the tray in front of him empty. Another one lay on the table, and taking one look at the wonderful food, she knew she would not eat tonight. She wouldn't be able to stomach it, and besides, sometimes penance was required.

"Moiraine will you not eat?" he asked worriedly. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, brushing it away. "I am just tired, and a bit faint."

"I am your Warder, Moiraine Sedai," he reminded. "I can feel what you feel."

"Then why do you even ask?" she replied impatiently. Removing her dress, she climbed into the warm bed, shivering in her thin white shift. She wished she had another. She should have known sleeping was a bad idea.

_Iselle's scream. Diryk's face. Gitara's blood. The pain. She could have saved them. She should have saved them. It was all her fault._

She awoke trapped in the blankets and choked on a sob, grabbing a pillow to soften the sounds of her weeping, as more tears escaped her eyes.

Suddenly, Lan's strong arms were around her, holding her securely. He brushed her hair away from her face, wiping her tears with the blanket. She knew it was childish but she held onto him for comfort. He did not seem to mind, smoothing her hair and shushing her gently.

"What happened?" he asked, though she knew that he knew.

"They should not have died. You lost so many people, Lan- a mentor, a near-daughter, a friend, a best friend, a child who adored you. All because of me, thinking that earning the shawl meant I could do what I pleased, trying to take on something to big for me. I could have saved them, I should have saved them," she said, choking on her words.

"It is not your fault," he insisted gently. "Moiraine if you start feeling responsible for every death that happened because of your decisions then you will die long before our goal is fulfilled. I know what it feels like, to have the death of innocents on your hands. Say a prayer for them Moiraine, and move on."

"May the Light illumine their souls," she murmured.

"Now sleep," he said firmly. Her head hit the pillow and she was asleep instantly. This time, there were no nightmares.

XXX

Lan watched her sleep, serene even then and realized that he was right to have bonded with her, for despite her tough exterior, Moiraine Damodred needed all the protection she could get.


End file.
